The College Dating Dilemma: Why Are We So Afraid to Commit?

By: Olivia Kittleman

Commitment—a word that feels big, scary, and intimidating for many college students. As a 21-year-old college student, I think it, too. Committing to a person, a restaurant for dinner with friends, a club on campus, a major, a career path—it all feels overwhelming. We struggle with even the most minor decisions, so it’s no surprise that the most significant commitment issue we see among students is in relationships.

We live in a culture that pushes us to chase the next best thing, making it hard to appreciate the present—especially in dating. College students, in particular, second-guess everything: Did I pick the right school? The right major? And when it comes to relationships, many of us keep our options so open that we never get close enough to someone to know if they’re "the one." The idea of being with only one person feels daunting, especially when we’re told this is the time to explore.

In today’s world, singles have endless ways to find a relationship. But can we really find the deep, steady, monogamous connection so many of us secretly want in college? While some people are lucky enough to meet their “person” during these years, the rest of us struggle to find anything serious. Is it too much to ask to be more than just a casual hookup?

I’ve never actively searched for a relationship, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested when the opportunity comes along. Yet, whenever I give someone a chance, they seem too scared to commit. Do the perks of being single truly outweigh the benefits of a relationship? If not, why are so many people afraid of commitment in college?

According to Google, some of the most common reasons include:

- Identity exploration

- Academic pressure

- Financial concerns

- FOMO (fear of missing out)

- Past relationship experiences

- Desire for independence

- Uncertainty about the future

While these concerns are valid, they shouldn’t make us run from commitment altogether. Letting someone into your life and opening up will always come with risks, but these connections— whether romantic or platonic—are often the ones we’ll look back on with gratitude.

Trying out relationships while we’re young is like trying on shoes—not every pair fits, but that doesn’t stop us from searching for the right one. Maybe instead of fearing commitment, we should start embracing the possibility that the right person could be right in front of us.

That doesn’t mean we have to rush into something serious or settle just because we’re afraid of being alone. It means allowing ourselves to be open—to experiences, to people, to the idea that relationships, even the imperfect ones, help us grow. Every connection teaches us something, whether it lasts for a few months or a lifetime.

At the end of the day, relationships in college aren’t about having everything figured out. They’re about learning who we are, what we want, and what kind of love we’re willing to give and receive. So maybe instead of avoiding commitment out of fear, we should start seeing it as an opportunity—an opportunity to learn, to connect, and to experience something real. Because even if it doesn’t last forever, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it.